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Q & A on Marrage and Relationship

. >> Main Wedding Section >> Marriage and Relationship

Beginning a relationship?

Bhuvaneshwari Bhagat Bhuvaneshwari Bhagat is a professional Marriage & Family counselor with a practice based in Manhattan. She offers traditional methods of counseling as well as other creative counseling techniques for those who are not located nearby (i.e. telephone, email and instant messaging)  Have a question? Click here...

When beginning a relationship we all want to be happy, we want to be in love and satisfied. However, we must remember, that a relationship is a two-way affair. Anyone who expects or causes it to be otherwise is setting a stage for possible failure.

Perhaps the "failure" will not mean a break-up, but it will certainly mean the marriage will not become all it might have been, and all it was wished to be. In a growing number of cases these days, it has been parting company and searching further. The reason for this is a lack of fundamental 'balance' between the two people involved - one of the partners feels less than equal in the relationship.

Often it's not a case of either one taking on purpose benefit of the other - instead it's because of something in the past, which has caused one of them to react or behave in some manner due to defensiveness, negative experience and a lack of real trust. Usually in an arranged marriage, people carry lots of emotional baggage on how and who behaved badly in each other's family with one another before and during the wedding.

Most of us have been hurt in a relationship at some time or another. It's quite normal, therefore, to avoid being hurt again - so we become 'watchful'. Unfortunately, `watchful itself can become a handicap when it grows to the point of extreme which is 'defensiveness'. Too often the subtle line between the two is crossed unknowingly.

How did you meet your partner?

Relationship Issues

How did you meet your partner?

In a recent survey conducted by Shaaditimes on 'How did you meet your partner?' the stats thrown up were eyeopeners. Wherein 45.67% of those who voted said they found their partners through either family or friends, nearly 22% of them confessed to having found love online and 32.60% said they found their partners at work.

In the next few paras we discuss why online partner searches are catching up...

Choosing Partners Online

Whenever someone asks Nina how she met her husband, she proudly says, "Online!" But of course, I think to myself... Where else would one meet up with one's significant other nowadays?

Actually, this attitude is probably not the norm in society. At least not yet. But before long, it wouldn't surprise me to find that matrimonial sites have surpassed other forms of meeting one's significant other. Simply because it is well-ordered, produces better matches and lets love to bloom when the silly things (such as actually having something in common) are already taken care of way ahead of time.


Using online matrimonial sites are far better ordered than other methods of partner search. Getting set up by friends or family is purely a hit-or-miss proposition, while well wishers, friends and family often don't really know us half as well as they think they do. We don't often share all of the intimate details of our lives, our likes, dislikes, hopes, and dreams for the future with everyone. So people can get somewhat biased ideas of what we're like, because they only see what we're like with them.

Office romances, while convenient, are often burdened with possible problems, danger, and role conflicts. Encountering people randomly at clubs or in bookstores or other interests such as hobbies is pure chance. While appealing to our romantic, impulsive side, you're better off throwing darts at random names within a phone book. There's nothing efficient or really, fun, about spending countless hours drinking in a club looking for supposed "Mr. Right." Chances are he left with the woman just before you.

Better Matches

Matrimonial sites allows you to get to know the person you may want to meet long before you ever actually have to meet them! How cool is that? Most people communicate a great deal by email or IM first, before talking on the phone. You've spent time reading their online profile, which includes not only their likes and dislikes, but hopes, dreams, reading and movie preferences, hobbies, annual income and in some cases, shoe sizes. While these things vary in importance, they provide a fairly accurate snapshot of a person (or at least as much as they want you to know).

There's been a great deal of research to show that couples who are more compatible are more likely to remain committed in a relationship to one another. Lack of compatibility often comes from lack of knowledge and knowing one's partner as honestly and truly as one believes. Online services gives you the chance to slow things down a bit and really get to know the person, again, sometimes long before you've ever gone on that first face-to-face date. That's a good thing, because it means you're more likely to find compatibility that works for you online.

Let Love To Bloom

Once you start meeting people through an online site, you already know a lot about the person when you go on your first date. That doesn't mean everything will always go smoothly, or that every proposal is going to be one with Ms. Right. But it does mean that you can relax your guard a little and stop worrying about providing and getting information from the other, or discover that every hobby or interest you like, he detests. Instead, you're starting out on common ground with a lot to talk about and a lot to enjoy. With so much less pressure on your meeting, online sites allow love to take root and more fully bloom far more easily than other methods.

Matrimonial sites may still seem a bit odd to some people, but then again, those folks have discovered the secret of it. You have, or are considering it, and for that, you're already a step ahead of many others. So sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride.

Bhuvaneshwari Bhagat
Marriage Counselor
Bhuvaneshwari Bhagat will answer your queries. Ask now!

Expert Advice

I am in love with a married man

Bhuvaneshwari Bhagat Bhuvaneshwari Bhagat is a professional Marriage & Family counselor with a practice based in Manhattan. She offers traditional methods of counseling as well as other creative counseling techniques for those who are not located nearby (i.e. telephone, email and instant messaging)  Have a question? Click here...

My wife doesn't interact much

Ram Kumar asks,
I got married just 2 months back. Sometimes my wife speaks well and some times she does not. Before marriage we did not interact much. But my mother visited their house for a few times. Now my wife keeps saying that she feels scared without any reason. And she sleeps more to avoid talking to me.
Her mother tells me that she is not used to going out from her house and stays at home with her mother. It seems before marriage she was fine and she has done her post graduation. What should I do?

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