is a professional Marriage & Family counselor with
a practice based in Manhattan. She offers traditional
methods of counseling as well as other creative counseling
techniques for those who are not located nearby (i.e.
telephone, email and instant messaging) Have
a question? Click here...
beginning a relationship we all want to be happy, we want
to be in love and satisfied. However, we must remember, that
a relationship is a two-way affair. Anyone who expects or
causes it to be otherwise is setting a stage for possible
Perhaps the "failure" will not mean a break-up,
but it will certainly mean the marriage will not become all
it might have been, and all it was wished to be. In a growing
number of cases these days, it has been parting company and
searching further. The reason for this is a lack of fundamental
'balance' between the two people involved - one of the partners
feels less than equal in the relationship.
it's not a case of either one taking on purpose benefit of
the other - instead it's because of something in the past,
which has caused one of them to react or behave in some manner
due to defensiveness, negative experience and a lack of real
trust. Usually in an arranged marriage, people carry lots
of emotional baggage on how and who behaved badly in each
other's family with one another before and during the wedding.
Most of us have been hurt in a relationship at some time or
another. It's quite normal, therefore, to avoid being hurt
again - so we become 'watchful'. Unfortunately, `watchful
itself can become a handicap when it grows to the point of
extreme which is 'defensiveness'. Too often the subtle line
between the two is crossed unknowingly.
How did you meet your partner?
a recent survey conducted by Shaaditimes on 'How did you meet
your partner?' the stats thrown up were eyeopeners. Wherein
45.67% of those who voted said they found their partners through
either family or friends, nearly 22% of them confessed to
having found love online and 32.60% said they found their
partners at work.
In the next few paras we discuss why online partner searches
are catching up...
Choosing Partners Online
Whenever someone asks Nina how she met her husband, she proudly
says, "Online!" But of course, I think to myself...
Where else would one meet up with one's significant other
Actually, this attitude is probably not the norm in society.
At least not yet. But before long, it wouldn't surprise me
to find that matrimonial sites have surpassed other forms
of meeting one's significant other. Simply because it is well-ordered,
produces better matches and lets love to bloom when the silly
things (such as actually having something in common) are already
taken care of way ahead of time.
Using online matrimonial sites are far better ordered than
other methods of partner search. Getting set up by friends
or family is purely a hit-or-miss proposition, while well
wishers, friends and family often don't really know us half
as well as they think they do. We don't often share all of
the intimate details of our lives, our likes, dislikes, hopes,
and dreams for the future with everyone. So people can get
somewhat biased ideas of what we're like, because they only
see what we're like with them.
Office romances, while convenient, are often burdened with
possible problems, danger, and role conflicts. Encountering
people randomly at clubs or in bookstores or other interests
such as hobbies is pure chance. While appealing to our romantic,
impulsive side, you're better off throwing darts at random
names within a phone book. There's nothing efficient or really,
fun, about spending countless hours drinking in a club looking
for supposed "Mr. Right." Chances are he left with
the woman just before you.
Matrimonial sites allows you to get to know the person you
may want to meet long before you ever actually have to meet
them! How cool is that? Most people communicate a great deal
by email or IM first, before talking on the phone. You've
spent time reading their online profile, which includes not
only their likes and dislikes, but hopes, dreams, reading
and movie preferences, hobbies, annual income and in some
cases, shoe sizes. While these things vary in importance,
they provide a fairly accurate snapshot of a person (or at
least as much as they want you to know).
There's been a great deal of research to show that couples
who are more compatible are more likely to remain committed
in a relationship to one another. Lack of compatibility often
comes from lack of knowledge and knowing one's partner as
honestly and truly as one believes. Online services gives
you the chance to slow things down a bit and really get to
know the person, again, sometimes long before you've ever
gone on that first face-to-face date. That's a good thing,
because it means you're more likely to find compatibility
that works for you online.
Let Love To Bloom
Once you start meeting people through an online site, you
already know a lot about the person when you go on your first
date. That doesn't mean everything will always go smoothly,
or that every proposal is going to be one with Ms. Right.
But it does mean that you can relax your guard a little and
stop worrying about providing and getting information from
the other, or discover that every hobby or interest you like,
he detests. Instead, you're starting out on common ground
with a lot to talk about and a lot to enjoy. With so much
less pressure on your meeting, online sites allow love to
take root and more fully bloom far more easily than other
Matrimonial sites may still seem a bit odd to some people,
but then again, those folks have discovered the secret of
it. You have, or are considering it, and for that, you're
already a step ahead of many others. So sit back, relax, and
enjoy the ride.
Bhuvaneshwari Bhagat will answer your queries. Ask now!
I am in love with a married
Bhagat is a professional
Marriage & Family counselor with a practice based
in Manhattan. She offers traditional methods of counseling
as well as other creative counseling techniques for those
who are not located nearby (i.e. telephone, email and
instant messaging) Have a question? Click here...
wife doesn't interact much
Ram Kumar asks,
I got married just 2 months back. Sometimes my wife speaks
well and some times she does not. Before marriage we did not
interact much. But my mother visited their house for a few
times. Now my wife keeps saying that she feels scared without
any reason. And she sleeps more to avoid talking to me.
Her mother tells me that she is not used to going out from
her house and stays at home with her mother. It seems before
marriage she was fine and she has done her post graduation.
What should I do?
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